I hate Americans.

(*Note: this is not a post of self-loathing, for I am an unclassifiable species only recognizable by God. Not to worry, your confusion was highly anticipated.)

They're rude and ignorant.
They don't have a cuisine of their own. Burgers are originally from Germany, you jerks.
They're wasteful. No need to shut off lights before leaving home when utilities are included in the rent, right? Argh.
They're self-centered greedy bastards not the least bit concerned with others' well-being. Phil Gramm, if I could pull a Gary Busey and rip out your endocrine system, I do believe the Heavens would shine down. Although, I guess that $37 billion UBS write-down last spring was enough poetic justice for the fiscal year.
To sum it all up, they're just plain stupid. One symptom being their constant devouring of celebrity pop culture.

Now I understand worshiping God, or Allah, or Buddha, or even Krishna (though its websites are blocked on my work computer so it must be wrong) , or even a golden calf. But Britney Spears? Really? She deserves more social capital than the average human that drives with their infant child unrestained on their lap?

And Rihanna getting her ass whooped. Next time you'll know not to spread those bumps.

This reminds me of the time I was about 7 and my father announced to the family on our way out of Sunday mass that he had to see a man about a horse. I thought we were getting a pony. He just had to pee.

And how about that Nadya Suleman?? The thought of 14 baby skulls being violently dispensed from my teeny orfice just bruised my vageen.

We are living in an age of voyeurism, where stalking peers on social networking sites with virtually non-existent forms of privacy, being an exhibitionist peeping tom and masturbating in your 3rd floor window while counting every hair on my head through your telescope, or being obsessed with celebrity lives that serve little purpose other than filling the pages of glorified tabloids like the Post is not only completely acceptable, but expected. I once thought CNN was a decent source of sober news, until Michelle Obama's wardrobe made their headlines, dedicating way too much content to her "urban chic" style.Why it gotta be urban?! Not enough coverage of the First Gal's steeze? Head on over to www.Mrs-O.org! And then kill yourself for your lack of involvement in your own life. But maybe all this Obamamania in the media is a good thing? Maybe it will inspire little nigglets to stop eating so much fucking McDonalds.

So I leave you with this final question of woe: Who is worse- Murdoch or Madoff?