"Do you know what you really want? I do. What I really want is for my concealer to match my skin tone." Why, is that so, Jessica Alba? Cause, I dunno, I was kinda thinking that I might really want something a teeny weeny bit more important- like a steady paycheck, immunity to herpes, a significant other insuceptible to my odor, or, heck, world peace! Is it not enough that I have unsuccessfully dabbled on numerous occasions in the realm of bulemia ever since your role as cock tease/female degrader extraordinaire in the 1999 miserable excuse for a film Never Been Kissed ?! (Sorry, anorexics, but I love food waaaay too much to give up cold turkey...pun intended) C'mon! That can't be the paramount desire on your wish list. Wait... yes it can. You are Jessica Alba. Fuck.
Even as a continuously objectified, dehumanized, sexualized, and absolutely terrified member of the female sex, I refuse to subscribe to such superficial fuckheadedness. But, then again, maybe this incessant shove towards longing for physical perfection judged solely in terms of a female's carnal desirability and tangible attributes, while simultaneously dismissing any consideration of personality and intelligence is not so bad after all! What horrid side-effects could it possibly lead to?? Severe depression? Eating disorders? Appearance anxiety? Sexual disfunction? Mental retardation? Shmardation! Nothing serious, really. I think we have already seen the worst repurcussion- the female vulture whose only goal in life is to lockdown a rich Jewish investment banker and become a professional QVC shopper while watching her own ass consume her figure.
Let's quickly look at the discussion of intstinct versus society's bearing on gender roles. In other words, Nature VS Nurture should tell us why females are so gosh darn fucked up in the head. On one hand we have the natural inclination for females to want something constantly sucking on the teet (my God, you guys are lucky!), and on the other we have our societal expectations that for centuries have told females to shut the fuck up and spread 'em. However, in its premature stages of evolution, society is finally allowing females to realize that there is more to life than getting knocked up. For instance, there is masturbation. For a long while this act was reserved for male enjoyment and scorned as despicable and even pegged as a target of punishable censorship when involving females. Nowadays we have women who decide that fucking the president just isn't cutting it anymore- they want to be the president and fuck themselves? Booyackasha.
So, shame on you, few women of influence (heh hem, Jessica Alba), who dare attempt to continue this archaic stance of woman as mere cum receptacle. Well, as long as it is not for career advancements. (There are always legitimate exceptions, people! Us females aren't there just yet!) Oh, and the cat calling has got to stop.
I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME SHRIEK!
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1 comment:
"I think we have already seen the worst repurcussion- the female vulture whose only goal in life is to lockdown a rich Jewish investment banker and become a professional QVC shopper while watching her own ass consume her figure"
why do you think i work at brouwers? to find my rich banker who will let me drink all day and buy kitchen toys. duh.
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